Seventh(finally)

First, I think I might let you in on what I'm listening to:



I had to get back to my true roots, I don't listen to country but I must say Nickel Creek could be the sweetest thing to happen to country music, I'm a fan.

Second, sorry that this is my first post since late January.(since no one really reads this I guess I am apologizing to myself for starting something and not following up with it)

There is so much going on right now, I have what could be the most amazing summer/year coming up. I am starting an internship at Traders Point Christian Church, in Indianapolis, Indiana...I will be studying under someone that I find to be one of the most loving and most dynamic ministers I know. But beyond anything I am going to be in a new place, I think this year will be when I truly begin to develop who I am, I am beginning to understand who I am but I think I will really find what God is calling me to. With every good thing there comes a little bad, since I am taking my senior year of college off, that means I now have a week to see some people for the last time. I think it is really starting to catch up to me, the fact that I have been around some of these guys for 3 years and now it's done. I don't really know how to react, I'm happy I have their friendship but I may never see them again after we break. I guess we are all together in Christ, but still I'm going to miss those guys so much.

On a different note, I realized today sitting in a little community of Christ followers that I have become a person of little faith. I am sitting there thinking about my internship, the friends who are leaving, and a relationship that I have tried to take over myself(without God's guidance) and all of the sudden it hits me, I honestly felt sick to my stomach. For a man, who has felt called to be doing ministry in some since, this is the worst feeling. The past few years I have been preparing sermons by my words(of course the spirit is involved) but I have been feeling all the pressure is on me. The relationship I tried to force has come to a point where times feel awkward. Of course I have moments where I feel God is guiding me, but I got into the mode of choosing my own path and then letting God work according to my choice. I cried today.

It's funny how you can be completely blinded by your own misunderstandings. I thought I was doing things alright, I thought my relationship with God was good, not great, but good. Yet I haven't fallen to my knees in prayer for the longest time. This is the first sign of faith, when you can fall to your knees and ask God to guide your every move, your letting go of a lot. I prayed that I could change or that He could change me. Relationally, I have screwed up many of times, but I prayed that things would change. I prayed for conversations. I prayed for guidance. I prayed for faith. I lost so much by doing things on my own, if I have lost your friendship(whoever you are)I am sorry, I want it back desperately.

If I had a drink I would make a toast to new beginnings. "Here's to an incredible internship, wonderful friends, a friendship I hope will blossom into more, a life of eager anticipation, a life controlled by God, faith big enough to move mountains."
**oh and maybe a 8 pound largemouth bass on the other end of the line**

Love Loudly..Live Graciously..Be Conversational..(why not) Let God guide your life, it will be better than you can imagine